YOUR UNCLE'S DATING ADVICE

Rest assured, this is for your own good. You will thank me later. From a list that is still growing as we speak, here are culled, for your education, the top thirty sentences to end a date.
Imagine that you are with the man or woman of your nightmares. Your parents set it up -- go out with him, his folks are from our old home town, he's our ethnic group and social level -- or your misguided coworkers, who are worried that you'll die alone with only a cat. And you want it to end.

That's probably something you've already experienced, isn't it?

Just guessing, because I don't know from dates.

But I have a rich inner life.


HOW TO RUIN A FIRST DATE IN FOUR WORDS
[Not ranked. Situations may vary.]


1. Is it always red?
2. I forgot my wallet.
3. Take my strong hand.
4. Oh... you wear loafers?
5. I lost a bet.
6. You own a home?
7. I need a Greencard.
8. 12th grade is hard.
9. You have a job?
10. you gonna eat that?
11. Don't worry, he's harmless.
12. I love Justin Bieber.
13. You heard of Amway?
14. I love your extensions.
15. Just tap water please.
16. You have ten minutes.
17. I tied it myself.
18. You're a "before" picture.
19. Now, about my priors...
20. My parents are here.
21. I like christian mingle.
22. Show me your fingers.
23. I plan to work.
24. Your eyes are beautiful.
25. Anyway, before my transition...
26. Have you found Jesus?
27. Hey! Girl or boy?
28. Have you tried cutting?
29. I have 15 cats.
30. I am a vegan.


Please note that the male perspective is given quite a bit more air-time here, and that all clues to identity of the group that grew the list have been removed to protect the innocent and anti-social.
Aspergers is not a requisite for joining, but seems to never-the-less be implicit. Most of the best people have Asperger qualities.
And blind dates are often lamentable.




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NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
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